The Rumor
by Ruse
Summary: Who started that rumor about Colonel Sheppard? For shame! HumorOneshot.


**The Rumor**  
By Angel Ruse 

Who started that rumor about Sheppard, anyway? For shame!

* * *

It had started with a few strange looks. As per usual, John had awakened that morning and went through his routine of exercise followed by a quick shower. He had been in a relatively good mood, too. The week had gone beautifully. No missions turned deathtrap from hell, no Wraith breathing down his neck. 

As John made his way towards the mess hall for breakfast he ran into a few friendly faces, most of which bid him a good morning before passing him by. And then he turned a corner, nearly knocking over a young male soldier who, if his memory served, was called 'Smith'. This is where his troubles began. "Sorry 'bout that," Sheppard apologized with a sheepish smile.

Smith blinked as he looked at his superior officer, then suddenly smirked. "No problem, Colonel. Now you have a nice day."

"Right. You too," Sheppard replied slowly, standing there as the younger man walked away whistling. There had been something funny about that boy's attitude. Was that laughter in those eyes?

The Colonel scratched his cheek and carried on, assuming Smith and the other junior officers had some running joke about him. That he could handle. Junior officers always had private jokes about their seniors, most of which turned out to be based on little truth.

In the mess hall Sheppard contentedly got a tray for breakfast and sank into a chair opposite Ronon. "Mornin'," he greeted as he took a bite of bread.

Ronon's eyes slowly rose on an unchanging expression. For a long moment the big man watched Sheppard, then said, "Morning." He studied the Colonel with a keen gaze that revealed nothing of what was going on behind it.

Sheppard watched him in return for a few minutes, then decided enough was enough. He stopped eating, fork hovering in mid air. "I give. Did I do something wrong? Do I have something on my face?"

"No," Ronon replied, dropping his eyes towards his own breakfast. It didn't take long for the warrior to look up again with that same expression of blank study, though.

Breakfast was a strange affair. Not only was Ronon behaving oddly, but John noticed there were other sets of eyes on him that morning. He tried valiantly not to be bothered by all this, really he did. But deep down it was starting to gnaw at his insides. What _was_ going on? It was like he had awakened in some weird alternate universe where everyone was crazy but him.

Just as he was about to press Ronon for answers a soft voice interrupted the forthcoming inquisition. "Colonel Sheppard?"

He turned his head towards the blond medic that had spoken and cautiously responded, "Present." He fully expected to see that strange look on her face as well and wasn't disappointed.

She blushed and giggled at his reply. "Sir, Dr. Beckett wants you in the infirmary. He said if you evade your physical one more time he's going to…well, I don't really know. It was some Scottish thing. But I don't think it was anything good."

Sheppard groaned and set his fork down. He didn't see what the big deal was, but his excuses were running thin anyway. "Right. Okay." He shot a look at Ronon as if the man would break down and tell him what was going on, but as usual the man was quiet. He did offer a half smile, though, a gesture that made Sheppard nervous.

Maybe they were planning a surprise party. But no, it wasn't near his birthday. He followed the girl in silence, pondering the possibilities. Maybe it was a promotion? Maybe he was dying. Sheppard swallowed. No. Ronon wouldn't have smiled, would he? Maybe it was a goodie basket from home complete with cookies, heck, Sheppard didn't know. It was starting to get on his nerves.

"I think it's really sweet," the girl said to him as they entered the infirmary.

John wasn't sure what that meant. "What's sweet?"

Again she blushed and he had a feeling he was being considered for something aside from a physical, though not _entirely_ different from that. "That you're waiting for marriage," she said, then abruptly slipped away to go about her duties.

"Waiting for marriage?" Sheppard repeated to himself, brow knit and gears turning. "Waiting for what?"

He didn't have time to figure it out. Beckett picked up on his presence like a bloodhound and came from one of the adjoining labs. "You're here, lad. Good. Let's get started, shall we?"

"Right," Sheppard sighed, giving in. He followed Beckett to a bed, hopped on up and held out his arm for his blood pressure to be taken. Now, granted, getting married at this point in his life wasn't exactly the best example of timing in the world. He had a dangerous job, after all. But he wasn't 'officially waiting' either. And even if he was, why would that strike anyone as interesting?

"I'm goin' ta need some of your blood," Beckett announced, pulling the cuff off. He took a syringe out of a nearby cupboard and stuck it in the Colonel's open arm.

The exam didn't seem to take very long to John, probably because he was trying his hardest to figure out what was going on with the people around him. When Beckett said, "All set," Sheppard blinked and nodded slowly.

"Thanks, Doc," he murmured, sliding down off the bed.

And then, almost hesitantly, Beckett put his hand on Sheppard's arm, stopping him from leaving. Wearing what the Colonel privately called his 'confidentiality face', the doctor drew him aside. "I wasn't goin' ta say anythin', but I figure it's better to get it out in the open. Is there anythin' you'd like to ask me, son?"

John stared at the other man a moment. "Not that I know of. Should there be?"

The doctor shrugged, looking a bit uncomfortable. "Well, I don't guess so. Just thought maybe, if you were havin' problems with women and maybe weren't sure how it worked. Maybe ya need some Enzyte..."

"_What?_" Sheppard sputtered a little louder than he'd intended. All eyes turned to the duo, so he pushed Beckett into a lab where he could interrogate him more privately. "Would you mind telling me what this is all about before I go nuts?"

What the good doctor said next took a moment to sink in. "I know you're a virgin, son. Now, I'm not makin' any judgments. I just thought…"

Colonel Sheppard went red from the tips of his ears to his toes. "What on _Earth_ gave you _that_ idea?" he asked, glancing around to make sure no one else was listening. "I am _not_ a virgin."

Beckett lifted his eyebrows. "Ya sure, lad?"

"I think I'd better be pretty damn sure about _that_," Sheppard hissed in reply. All the stares clicked in his mind. Part of him wished that he was dying instead. "Now I wanna know where you heard this little tidbit of information, because I might have to go break a few jaws."

"Now, lad," Carson admonished. "I'm sure someone just thought it'd be funny…"

"Well it's not!"

"Aye." The doctor sighed, but Sheppard could see a grin threatening to break through the other man's composure. "I heard it from one of the nurses. Don't know where she got it, but I'm pretty sure she heard it from one of the junior officers. It could have started anywhere, though."

Sheppard rubbed his forehead as a headache started to form. "I need a vacation," he mumbled, closing his eyes.

"Don't take it so personally." Beckett pulled him back out into the main portion of the infirmary. He had to shake his head at the blond medic who was smiling softly at Sheppard. "Just relax. It'll all blow over. I promise. And do me a favor, will ya?"

"What's that?"

"_Don't_ go breakin' any jaws."

The Colonel shrugged and exited the infirmary. His good mood had plummeted drastically in a few short minutes. Not that it was that big of a deal, but it _was_ irritating. He didn't want to _start_ having problems with women because they all assumed he wasn't interested. Why would anyone spread a rumor like that? Why would anyone believe it? It wasn't as if he were some green junior fresh out of boot camp.

The gate room was pleasantly free from stares and murmurs. Perhaps it hadn't reached this far, he considered ungratefully. John rolled his eyes and flopped into a chair lethargically, draping one leg over the arm as he gazed at the wall.

"Problem, Colonel?" called a gentle voice from behind. A shadow fell on him and John looked up into Weir's calm face.

"Someone started a rumor about me," he complained, moving to sit in a more respectful position. Or maybe he should have stayed that way just to give the appearance of being at least _somewhat_ suggestive. He just didn't know anymore.

Weir laughed lightly and sat down nearby. "You know about that, hmm?"

He gave her a look. "I'm not a virgin."

"I know," she replied in a comforting tone. He could see it in her eyes. She wanted to smirk, but she didn't. He had to give her that for leadership skills. And then she gave him a gift. "You know how Rodney is."

Sheppard sat straight. "_McKay,_" he growled darkly, then shot up like an Iratus bug chasing its dinner, leaving Weir to stare after him in stunned silence.

He dashed through the halls of Atlantis, a man on a mission, and when he reached McKay's lab he found his prey waiting for him, sitting on the top of a desk, serenely unwrapping a power bar. At his side Zelenka elbowed the engineer as Sheppard skidded to a halt in front of them. "What are you telling people?" he asked point blank.

Instead of responding to the question, McKay looked at Zelenka. "See? What did I tell you? I told one person and it's all over Atlantis. A man like Sheppard being a virgin? No one would believe that. They probably believe he's Kirked his way around the city at least twice and is already preying on the Athosians. And here he is as I said he would be, like a moth to a flame." He looked up with a thoughtful, almost cheerful expression. "On the other hand I only told one person _you_ were a virgin and he said, 'so', as if it were no big secret. Again, just as expected. Huh. I astound even myself."

"Amazing!" Zelenka gushed. "He arrived within 20 minutes of your hypothesized ETA! I guess I owe you dinner." And then the scientist glared at McKay as it dawned on him. "What do you mean you told only one person I was a virgin?"

Rodney shrugged and took a bite out of his power bar. "It's not like it's true, is it?"

Sheppard cocked his head to the side and crossed his arms over his chest. He was quite curious now to see why his friend thought this would be interesting and even more curious to see what he himself would do in retribution. "And just what about me makes it so unbelievable that I'm a virgin? Some people believed. Are you calling me what I think you're calling me?"

McKay waved his arm, declining to answer except to say, "Please. It's obvious."

"And what makes it so believable that I _am_ a virgin?" Zelenka demanded with a low growl.

"Hazard of the trade, my friend," McKay answered sagely, sliding off the desk. "I don't care if you look like Brad Pitt and have all of Carson's heart and then some. If you're a scientist they automatically assume you don't know the first thing about a…"

At that point Zelenka stormed off, huffing as he disappeared. Sheppard lifted his finger, pointing the remaining engineer in the chest. "You're a sick, twisted little man, you know that? No wonder people think you're a virgin." And then he whirled around to depart as well, stopping once to say, "This isn't over, McKay."

"What?" Rodney said defensively. He turned towards his work with a roll of his eyes. "It was just a sociological experiment. It's not my fault you behave predictably."

He glared at the wall when his own PDA smacked into the back of his head.

* * *

**A/N**: I'm a dork, I know. ;-) 

**Disclaimer:** Don't own the boys or the 'verse. Just want Paul.  
**Archive:** Sure!  
**Email:** angelruseATgmailDOTcom


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